S2, E24: "Longest Monday" / "Eugene's Pet"

I assume a number of you have already seen my mid-week post that I randomly posted on Wednesday. If you're sitting there thinking, "What post?", I'll give you the details. I was planning on providing them anyway since the news came out of the blue.

In order to up my writing skillz, I'm starting a new review blog, Black Lagoon: Reviewed. This is partly as a means of tackling my procrastination, and the other part for a bigger writing challenge since Black Lagoon is a very action-heavy, mature anime with tons of juicy content to sift through. I'm really excited to begin this new project because, not only is Black Lagoon a fantastic anime, it's much harder for me to write about since the entire series is one ongoing story. But the real kicker, the main reason why I'm choosing to do this review, is that it's only 29 episodes long. Just keep in mind that this is an extremely violent, vulgar anime with very heavy themes, so if you choose to pop over to check out the blog, be prepared for guns, guns, and, oh yeah, guns and grenades. I've updated the link bar just above the blog post title to better organize my blogs. You can find the link to Black Lagoon: Reviewed there along with the first episode's review.

Any questions can be directed to the comments section or through electronic mail.

Now that that's cleared up...


"Longest Monday"

It's the first Monday in June. You know what that means--summer vacation is coming! But wait--in P.S. 118, the first Monday in June takes on an entirely different meaning:

Trash Can Day.

According to everyone except Eugene, who is learning about this for the first time for some odd reason, Trash Can Day is a day to be feared by all. And it's up to Gerald to tell of this rite of passage to his classmates. (On a side note, Sid, stop calling these stories passed down from kid generation to kid generation "legends." Legends are old stories most believe to be fiction. These are real.)

Okay, so Trash Can Day is the worst day of the school year. It's the day before the Department of Sanitation comes to pick up the mountains of garbage that somehow pile up. The fifth graders use this opportunity to go around and seek out unsuspecting fourth graders, grab them, and stuff them into the trash cans. Why? For shits and giggles. Seriously, what kind of tradition is this? It's not even clever; it's pointless.

What a utopia these kids live in if the worst thing that could happen is getting squished waist-deep into a trash can.

Not that I think being stuffed in a trash can is no biggie. It's gross, it's smelly, it's uncomfortable. I can understand why no one would want to be stuffed into one. But these kids are acting like it's a fifth-grader Hunger Games. Stuff or be stuffed.

Meanwhile, we pan over to the fifth graders who watch as their unofficial leader, Wolfgang, teaches his fellow fifth grade bullies-in-training how to properly sack a fourth grader. He calls over his best friend, Edmund, to demonstrate, but he's a weenie.

Now, I'm not very good at distinguishing voices, but that is definitely Arnold's voice actor doing the voice of Wolfgang. Now we know what Arnold will sound like the moment he enters puberty. In the next episode we see him, his voice will have totally developed. So I'm guessing this is when Wolfgang entered puberty. (Not only that, but what ten-year-old has a beefy upper body like that?)

Back to Arnold and the gang. Arnold creates a plan to herd all his classmates to his house safely by cutting through the alleyway of the flower shop. Eugene improvises a backup plan through Park's "secret" hideout in case it doesn't work. How does Eugene know about this and not anyone else? Well, it's not exactly that hard to figure out. After all, it's Eugene. How many times do you think this clumsy kid had to hideout somewhere?

Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't the locations of the flower shop and Arnold's house switched?

The tension is running at an all-time high, according to the cacophonous music in the background as Arnold's class painfully counts down the seconds until 3:00. The bell rings, and once everyone is outside the door, the fifth graders are standing right there, waiting for them. RUN FOR IT!!!

Where's Principal Wartz to end this gross tradition?

Some kids get nailed right then and there. Some hide in clever places, like Stinky in a garbage can.

"Talk about ironic." -  Stinky

All that remains of the group is Arnold, Gerald, Eugene, Harold, and Sid. The rest have either gone incognito or have succumbed to the bins.

They hide out in the school basement, watching from out the tiny window as every fourth grader in the school struggles to break free from the clutches of these psychotic upperclassmen. I have to wonder, though: what are the sixth graders doing? You would think since the school goes up to the sixth grade, the sixth graders would be stuffing all the lowerclassmen into the bins.

What's with this kid? Has he been turned into a zombie?

Harold is the last to join the survivors, being chased into the basement by some wild-eyed fifth graders who most likely have been eyeing the dumpster outside to roll Harold into. It's not stated yet, but Harold is actually 12 years old here. He, like Torvald, has been held back for several years. Shouldn't he have more muscle (under all his fat) to stop the fifth graders? Even go so far as to lift them and dump them into the trash? Are the fifth graders going after Torvald, too? I'd like to see them try. Too bad we don't get a scene for that.

The fifth graders manage to get Sid. Poor kid. But now we're down to the final four: Arnold, Gerald, Eugene, and Harold. I'm surprised Eugene lasted this long. I'm not surprised Arnold lasted this long. The survivors come across a dead end, a literal wall, but Arnold manages to find a hole at the bottom that the four of them could squeeze through. Of course, Harold the prick has to throw Eugene to the side so he can get past first, and he ends up being ambushed by Wolfgang and his crew.

Unfortunately, Eugene got canned (pun intended), and Wolfgang declares that Arnold and Gerald are next. Honestly, I would have offered up Harold for betraying Eugene.

Arnold, Gerald, and Harold catch a bus, thinking it's a nice shortcut that will lead them right to the flower shop. Why not just take it as close to Arnold's house as possible? That's where their final destination is.

Harold gets a swift kick of karma because three fifth graders are on the bus with them, and they swarm Harold like fruit flies over an apple tree.

They always go for the fat kids first, don't they?

Arnold and Gerald get off the bus, but not without Wolfgang and Edmund chasing them down. They manage to thwart Wolfgang and Edmund somehow, by hiding in an underground sewage tunnel without any explanation as to how they got there. Seriously, what did they do? Melt into the grate and reform once they were down there?

Oh, and I can't pass up this screenshot; it's way too damn funny.

*Sucks deeply on joint* "Hey, Gerald, what are we doing in the sewer rats' mansion tunnels? Are we rats now?"

Arnold and Gerald make it out of the strangely clean sewers, and find themselves in Park's junkyard hideout, perfect for fourth graders to de-stress and be deep-cleansed after being stuffed.

This is awfully resourceful of Park to be able to build this hideout that only fourth graders know about. I wonder how long Arnold and Gerald were crawling around underground for them to catch up to everyone so fast.

Also, what is Helga doing as the Trash Can Day psychologist? That's like using Eugene as a good luck charm.

Don't get too comfortable, fourth graders, because the fifth graders have discovered your secret hideout... and it's time for a second helping of trash. RUN FOR IT... AGAIN!!!

Arnold and Gerald get away in time, crouching behind some garbage cans for protection. This is the second use of garbage cans ironically--it's as if this episode is making fun of itself. Anyway, this weird looking kid named Mickey (who reminds me so much of Randall from Monsters, Inc. for some reason) comes up to Arnold and Gerald and tells them that he can hide them... for a fee. Arnold gives him a yo-yo and a PEZ dispenser, and apparently that suffices.

Hold up one second--who exactly is this guy, and how does Arnold and Gerald know he's not a fifth grader trying to trick them? They're putting an awful lot of trust into this one kid they don't even know. As much as I praise Arnold and Gerald for being the smartest out of everyone, there are certain times where their ignorance warrants a facepalm so hard, it leaves a red mark on your forehead for three days.

All Wolfgang has to do is lean a little closer and check the sides. Use your peripheral vision, man!

Mickey realizes that he's not going to be able to sneak Arnold and Gerald through the streets, so he comes up with a plan to put them on a warehouse trolley cart and cover them with a sheet. Because that's totally not suspicious-looking at all!

It's funny how Arnold never told Mickey where to take them, so by now he has to realize that Mickey is deceiving them. Of course not. And when the cart stops and Wolfgang pulls the sheet off, Arnold and Gerald are legitimately blown away by this awful trick.

Right as Wolfgang is about to give Arnold and Gerald a complementary garbage bath, Arnold's desperation kicks in. He makes a big speech to Wolfgang about how he could be the hero in this tradition, how with his power over the fifth graders, he can stop an entire generation of violence. AHAHAHAHA. Oh, Arnold, you're so naive it's adorable.

And not only is Wolfgang a merciless bully, he's also a homicidal one:

Wolfgang could end up in juvy for this.

What a sick bastard. It's one thing to stuff every kid in the grade into the garbage. It's another to roll them down a hill inside one with the possibility of breaking their necks.

Miraculously, Arnold and Gerald emerge from the bottom of the hill unharmed. And thus perpetuates an entire generation of kids in real life to stuff themselves into tires, bins, and buckets and roll themselves down their neighborhood hills. Hospitals sure must have been packed tight all over the country in 1997.

Some third grade onlookers start laughing at Arnold and Gerald for getting trashed, but Gerald shuts them right up when he says next year, they'll be next. That's how you get them--instill fear into their innocent hearts. Arnold and Gerald tell them they're just messing with them, but then they consider upholding the tradition. Wow, that's quite unlike them. Wasn't it Arnold who said that Wolfgang could put an end to an entire generation of violence (as optimistic as his little mind is)? Certainly Arnold could attempt the same next year. You keep doing you, modern-day Gandhi.




"Eugene's Pet"

It's show and tell day in class, and Eugene is showing off his pet fish:

This is Henry. Henry's the best darn pet Eugene's ever had, unlike his other pets which either ran away or gave him nightmares. Perhaps Eugene's just a bad pet owner. I mean, why would a dog run away when they see you as a god who feeds them and lets you throw sticks in the park? Why would you choose a cat whose saliva you're allergic to when there are many hypoallergenic breeds to choose from? And if your rabbit gives you nightmares, well, stop watching Bugs Bunny Creepypastas.

Nobody gives a shit about Eugene's fish, but everyone goes absolutely gaga over Arnold's yellow yo-yo. Seriously? No, I mean, as soon as Arnold walks up there and starts showing off some tricks, everyone literally oohs and ahhs at how super-talented Arnold is. It's a plastic toy. I'd be much more interested in Eugene's fish. You know what, guys? I think I'm kind of starting to hate Arnold. Mr. Perfect yo-yo man.

"You're just jealous that you don't have this awesome yellow yo-yo."

Arnold attempts a trick with his yo-yo, but the plastic bit flies off the string  lands right into Eugene's fish bowl, knocking the little plastic mace over and directly onto Henry, killing him. Oh, come on!

Hasn't this kid been smacked enough with the splinter-filled unlucky paddle?

Eugene, at first, tries to convince himself that Henry is just playing dead, but that doesn't last long. He's had this goldfish for over six months, but as soon as Arnold gets near him, the fish dies. 

Arnold apologizes like never before, even going so far as to attending Henry's funeral in the second floor bathroom stall. But Eugene just cannot part ways with his little fish, so Arnold suggests burying him in a place where Eugene can always visit him.

Really? In a garbage-filled square of grass with rats, crows, and a cat crawling around? The school toilet would have been more honorable. And why is that grave so big? It's a 3-inch long fish. 

So, Gerald naturally gives the eulogy. It's quite lengthy, but it's a nice sentiment to Eugene who has never had such a privilege to keep a pet for very long. Eugene lowers Henry, wrapped in a piece of tissue or something, into his grave, and not even thirty seconds later, the cat that was roaming around the area jumps in and runs off with it. Oh-ho-ho, that's kind of morbid.

Arnold and Gerald decide to take Eugene to the pet store to find him a new pet--something a cat wouldn't run off with. He looks at a few different options, including a cute little garter snake. Of course, there's always some reason why none of these pets work out for him:

For the first time in, like, ever Eugene actually turns pessimistic and admits that maybe he's just not meant to have a pet. Of course, Arnold's guilty conscience drives him to prove Eugene otherwise. Arnold, you mean well, but forcing a bond between Eugene and a defenseless animal is just a bad idea. 

The next day, Eugene has officially crossed over into Curly-level territory when he brings his invisible pet hippo to school.

There are stores in this universe that actually sell boxes of Hippo Chow. 

You know you're mentally scarred when you start making nonhuman companions out of air. I find it rather funny that Eugene made a "pet" out of the most dangerous animal on Earth. Why not just shoot for a pet dinosaur? I hear pachycephalosaurs are great guards. They even come with their own protective "helmets."

But seriously, guys. Eugene is a sad, lost soul. He basically skips class just to stand out in the rain to comfort his invisible pet hippo. On the outside, this doesn't bother Eugene one bit. But on the inside, this kid is going through so much turmoil over the fact that everything in his life either breaks, dies, gets lost, or gets ruined in some way or another, and nothing good that lasts for Eugene ever stays that way. He's going to end up a basketcase at best. 

This episode just went from tragically sad to pathetically sad in a matter of seconds. Seriously. How is it possible to lose an imaginary pet?! But the worst thing about it is that Eugene actually makes "lost hippo" signs, and actually thinks people will find his imaginary hippo and call him. Eugene isn't three years old; he's nine. Do I really need to explain how unbelievably stupid this plot point is? Are we supposed to take this seriously (because Arnold and Gerald are), or are we supposed to laugh at how stupid Eugene is? I'm starting to think he has more issues than Curly. 

Arnold goes to Grandpa for advice, and Grandpa tells him that kids like Eugene are just plain unlucky, and the best thing that Arnold can do is just be a bro. In other words, just do what he's been doing the entire series, except stop trying so hard. 

"I can't stand seeing Eugene so alone." - Arnold
"We're all alone. That's life. You don't need to be with anybody. Take it from me: as long as you've got your dreams and fantasies, you'll be able to get up and go on. Everybody needs a dream to hang on to, otherwise, they're just people without dreams, and if you don't want to wear that fork, you better get it away from my plate, you weasel." - Grandpa

Does anyone else feel like Grandpa's mini-speech came out of nowhere? It feels like this speech was meant for a different plot line because it doesn't make much sense in the context of Eugene being upset about not being able to hold down a pet. It's still good advice, though.

That night, Arnold has a dream about being in Henry's fishbowl. He hides a little fish in his hair as a giant mace breaks off and tries to kill him, but Arnold's love and safe-keeping made the fish grow so big. Gee, this is starting to sound a lot like the Clifford the Big Red Dog theme song. 

And then we get images like this. Though I can forgive its weirdness since it is a dream:

Doesn't mean it's any less weird.

And then Eugene appears and starts riding the back of the fish off into the fishworld moonlight. When Arnold wakes, he gets an idea.

Arnold brings Eugene to the city aquarium to show Eugene the new angel fish he adopted for him. Aww, that's sweet. Eugene gets super excited about his new, safe fish that he doesn't see a giant shark nomming his newly-adopted fish in a tenth of a second. Oh, what the hell?!

What is a shark doing in a tank with a bunch of defenseless angel fish? Oh, who am I kidding? This aquarium has shitty staff. Remember in "Field Trip" how incompetent the security guard was? Teasing a shark! I'm glad he got eaten. 

When Eugene turns around to stare at his little fishy, he sees that he's gone, so Arnold just gives up and tells him that he swam away. Besides, there are other fish in the sea. Or rather, in the tank.

Lessons Learned From These Episodes: if you're optimistic enough, you too can believe you can stop an entire generation of violence; being dumped into a garbage can isn't so bad; there are other fish in the sea; don't get invisible pets