S1, E14: "Tutoring Torvald" / "Gerald Comes Over"

"Tutoring Torvald"

What's more exciting than helping a 13-year-old bully with 1st grade math skills pass his 4th grade math exam? Root canals? Getting hot oil splattered on your skin while frying food? Clamshell packaging?

I figured so.

To get us into the mathematical mood, Arnold and Gerald go over their times tables on their way to school, and Arnold presents us with an "easy" method to figure out the nine times tables:

Wow, this is actually really neat. I am absolutely terrible at math (I passed college algebra with an oil-slicked grade of D), so this method is actually really cool. Let's see, to find 8 x 9, you subtract 1 from 8 to get 7 (the first digit of the answer), then add 2 to 7 (because 7 + 2 is 9) and you get 72 as your answer.

Let's see if I can do this with other numbers. Let's do 7 x 9. 7 - 1 is 6, then add 3 to 6 to get 9. The answer should be 63. Let me just check my trusty calculator, here... 63! Wow, that is the correct answer! Arnold, where were you throughout all my math classes?

Suddenly, a windowless van shows up and idles in front of the school to let someone out. Windowless van in front of an elementary school? I know where this is going... no but seriously, the son of Goliath in classic 90s grunge gear stomps out, looks down at Arnold and Gerald, and considers today not to be the right day to squash them like cockroaches with his big ass boots.

"I hope they remembered to feed him this morning." - Gerald

So, this is Torvald, everybody. An interesting name choice for such a character--it's an old Norse name, Þórvaldr, which means "Thor's ruler." Hey, I'm not gonna argue with that.

Arnold and Gerald definitely seem intimidated--rather, they should be, considering it was necessary for the camera to show this guy from a newborn's point-of-view.

During class, the teacher, Ms. Slovak, decides to call on Torvald to answer random multiplication problems as practice for the class's exam on Friday. She asks him what 3 times 3 is, to which Torvald responds "33" to the roaring laughter of the rest of the class, except for Arnold, naturally.

Ms. Slovak basically asks Torvald why he won't apply himself and do better so he can be with his 13-year-old classmates, but apparently all of Torvald's friends have been arrested already and therefore cannot leave the confines of their barbed-wire facilities. Damn, did Torvald grow up in the projects? Or did all the kids around him just have shitty parents?

Ms. Slovak is sick and tired of the government wasting tax dollars on keeping his ass in elementary school, so she decides to assign Arnold as his "study buddy" to help him improve his grades in math so he can move up to the grade he's supposed to be in.

I find it funny that the other kids were literally praying not to be Torvald's tutor, though with the way they act around him, I don't know why more people wouldn't volunteer to help him. The faster his grades shoot up, the faster he can move back up to the grade where he belongs. Harold, too. Harold is supposed to be around 13 (~7th grade), so why isn't Ms. Slovak concerned about him being held back just as many times as Torvald?

Another thing: is it only math Torvald is having problems with? Because math is the sole focus in this episode. Certainly no one would be held back so many times if it was just one subject they were struggling with. At best, he would have been enrolled in remedial math classes. So for him to still be in elementary school, he must be shit at all other subjects. Can kids really be held back this many times?

During recess, Arnold is confident that tutoring Torvald might not be so bad because he might be a decent person behind his bully persona. And then the camera flips to this:

It's bad enough that bullies tend to pick on smaller kids their own age, but how pathetic must they be to pick on someone who's not only smaller, but four years younger than them?

You know, Torvald is awfully big for a 13-year-old. But I guess from the perspective of a 9-year-old, everyone older than them looks like giants. So, Gerald gives Arnold some pansy advice: if he knocks him out cold, "just laaaaaaay down." To be fair, standing up to someone with arms like Torvald wouldn't exactly be smart if you don't know what you're doing. But then again, if you remember, Arnold is now a kung-fu master! He could whoop Torvald's ass if Torvald even thinks about laying a finger on his football-shaped head.

Arnold sits in a dark classroom waiting for Torvald to arrive. I guess this must be after or right before school. Torvald barges in, grabs a chair, and tells Arnold to tutor him. Arnold hesitantly begins with a problem on percentages, but Torvald doesn't know what the hell to do, so he just replies that math sucks major balls. Arnold tries to prove Torvald wrong since math is everywhere, giving him hypothetical situations where having good math skills is key to many real-world careers.

Despite Arnold being right about math being necessary, this argument is unrealistic because no one would even consider hiring someone for math-oriented careers (or basically any career) if they couldn't even count or decipher between negatives and positives.

And then Torvald tells Arnold to come to his house tonight to study there instead. So, what was the point of meeting up inside the classroom?

Anyway, Arnold goes to Torvald's apartment that night, and from the screaming, banging, and yelling in the distance, as well as the unkempt surroundings, it looks like he lives in the projects. It doesn't look like the dilapidated shithole Frankie G. lives in, but it doesn't exactly look like a safe place, either. Why is Arnold walking around at night by himself, again? Couldn't Grandpa at least drive him there?

I seriously love how this show isn't afraid to show poor areas of the neighborhood. Actually, quite a chunk of the show is centered around poorer areas of the city, which is nice, but would be more realistic if more minorities occupied them. Honestly, you don't see many blacks, Asians, or Hispanics on this show. And being that this show is set in the city, that's the one thing you should expect to see. Perhaps the animators were afraid of offending minorities by showing them occupying the ghettos. Whatever. Anyway, Torvald's mother answers the door, and invites Arnold in.

For some reason, she's excited to show Arnold a picture Torvald drew in art class that he received a C on. Torvald must have been pulling Fs his entire life for his mother to burst into glitter and unicorns over her son getting a C. How would someone get a C on an art project, though? It's unfair to grade someone's art purely on skill, so Torvald must not have followed the rules correctly of what he was supposed to draw. If that's the case, a few tutoring sessions isn't going to help Torvald much, if at all.

After Torvald comes downstairs, his mother leaves for her job at Popeyes or whatever (she says she sells chicken fingers!) and calls out to Torvald in a singsong tone to make her proud.

Torvald brings Arnold up to his room, which is naturally a pigsty, and 80s-style rock music is playing through his boombox. For such a tiny apartment, Torvald has an awfully big bedroom.

So, Arnold gets to work reciting problems from the textbook, but Torvald is clearly uninterested in learning because he distracts himself by shooting darts at a photo of Ms. Slovak. Why does he even have a picture of Ms. Slovak in the first place?

Maybe Torvald drew it.

Arnold is getting annoyed at Torvald's apathy towards his dwindling chance at becoming a productive member of society, so he gives up after Torvald rips a dart through his diagram and heads downstairs to leave. That's awfully uncharacteristic of Arnold. He's not one to give up so easily.

Torvald chases Arnold down and tells him that he wishes he could be as good as his mom thinks he is. Wait, so does that mean his mom actually believes that getting a C is genuinely good? And that she has no qualms about her 13-year-old son still stuck in elementary school? Is this bitch for real? You know, I have to give Torvald some credit here. For him to know that he's not doing well, and actually seems concerned somewhat about his academic standing despite his mother thinking he's doing just fine, well, Torvald already seems smarter than his mother.

So, Arnold makes him a deal--if Torvald stops beating up his friends, he'll help Torvald get another C so his mom can be proud of him.

Unfortunately, even after all of Arnold's tutoring, Torvald is still struggling to grasp basic mathematics, and it seems like all hope is lost for this kid until he pulls Sid aside and tells him he owes him money. I love the way Torvald just casually grabs Sid's jacket. It's such a minute detail, but it just makes Torvald seem so much more threatening. He uses interest rates over the course of several days to figure out just how much Sid owes him, and Arnold is impressed he was able to figure that out. And that's the moment when both Arnold and Torvald realize that Torvald can do math after all.

"And all this time, I just though it was business." - Torvald

So, I guess the only way Torvald can learn math is in the context of bullying, violence, and theft. How? This trope seems to come up a lot in TV shows when someone is tutoring someone else--the tutor uses their pupil's personality or interests to teach them a concept like math, and for some reason they're able to pick up on it like a magnet to metal shavings. It's really bizarre and totally illogical; if you were to try to use kittens to teach me algebra, I wouldn't be able to understand polynomials any more than if you were to teach me the standard way.

Sometime later after Arnold falls asleep at Torvald's desk, Torvald goes to P.S. 118, picks the lock on the front door, sits down in the classroom, and begins to have hallucinations about everyone laughing at him from the beginning of the episode.

For what reason did Torvald do this? It's revealed that Torvald is nervous about passing the test when Arnold tracks him down in the classroom, but Arnold assures him he will do fine. Alas, Torvald is convinced that he will be stupid for the rest of his life. Aww. But that still doesn't answer my question as to why he broke into the school in the first place.

It's the day of the math test. Arnold finishes with lightning speed, and then Torvald shows up. Arnold hangs back to watch Torvald out the classroom window. Since he came in so late, it's natural that he ends up being the last one in the classroom, struggling to remember what Arnold taught him about fencing TVs and knocking kids' teeth out.

Eventually, Torvald comes out, math test graded (gee, that was fast!), and does that thing where it looks like he is about to reveal bad news but instead reveals good news. Torvald passed the test with a C+! Great job, Torvald!

He thanks Arnold for all his help, and runs home to show his mom his well-deserved passing grade.

So, wait, the entire school day was devoted just to taking this big math test? Must have been the Regents exams. *Shudders*.




"Gerald Comes Over"

There's not really a plot to this episode--it's more of a tour of the boarding house on a Tuesday.

The Johanssens have invited Arnold over for dinner, and it's chaos, what with Gerald's four-year-old sister, Timberly, not eating her food and playing instead, his teenage brother, Jamie-O and his dedication to pranking Gerald any which way he can.

No vegetables on the side?

Martin Johanssen decides to hold a family meeting to find ways to pluck pennies off their monthly electricity bill, but no one is paying attention because Timberly and Jamie-O are throwing food everywhere. They need smacks upside their heads for being so disrespectful. And for some reason, it keeps getting in Gerald's Marge Simpson hairdo.

That night, Gerald apologizes for his dysfunctional family's antics, but Arnold is like, "Bro, your family's awesome." Gerald then comments that Arnold has slept over his house a bunch of times, but Gerald has never slept over at Arnold's house, or even seen it outside of his bedroom. Arnold's like, "Yeah, I guess you're right" and then shuts off the light. It's clear that Arnold doesn't want to talk about why he never lets Gerald stay over the boarding house, but eventually breaks down and says that his "family" isn't normal enough, and is embarrassed that Gerald would be uncomfortable around them, which is pretty much a reflection of how Arnold views the boarders. That's kind of sad, actually.

Gerald doesn't seem to give a shit about Arnold living in a boarding house with mere acquaintance middle-aged adults, so he invites himself to sleep over the next weekend to meet them. Damn, Gerald must really want to get the hell out of his house. Whatever the case, Arnold is so not looking forward to Gerald getting to know the boarders.

You know, kids aren't normally embarrassed by their own family until they're at least twelve years old--or whatever age they discover what kind of home life constitutes as embarrassing or not. You'd also think Arnold and Gerald wouldn't give a crap about their own families since they're best friends, but Arnold's hesitations about inviting Gerald over make it seem like he's got some stinking, rotting skeletons in the closet.

The next scene shows the boarding house, and inside you can hear Suzie yelling about how she wants a divorce from Oskar on top of Grandpa singing "Oh my Darlin'" in the shower. It's an interesting contrast to show just how eccentric Arnold's household is.

Arnold warns Gerald that what he's about to see may disturb and confuse him, but Gerald's like "Bro, I've been here before. Relax." So, what do Arnold and Gerald walk in on first? Schizophrenic Grandma hunting down a fly in the kitchen, complete with code names for Arnold and Gerald and a cool jungle hat.

Next stop is the communal bathroom where Grandpa has just finished washing a cat, by the looks of it. He opens the door, sets the cat free, and shakes Gerald's hand, leaving cat hair all over it. Why oh why was that drawn to look like Grandpa's shaved pubes?

Grandpa tells Arnold that it's the first of the month, which is also time to collect the rent from all the boarders. Arnold complains about doing it when he has company over, but Grandpa insists that with Gerald he can get it done twice as fast, and that he would do it himself but he has to go take a shit.

Arnold goes to the first boarder, Mr. Purdy, which is an obvious homage to one of the writers of the show, Joseph Purdy, who also voiced the character of Mr. Purdy. Arnold discovers that he's keeping a live chicken in the room, which Mr. Purdy fails to hide, and then he asks Arnold if he can give him the rent money tomorrow. Really? A chicken? It would have been funnier if Mr. Purdy was keeping an alligator or honey badger in the room instead. What a waste of an opportunity.

Arnold then goes to Ernie to collect his rent money, but Ernie becomes offended because Arnold is coming between him and his demolition project for some obscure building. Wait, what? What does that have to do with rent? And has Ernie lost his damn mind? He seems particularly angry today. Either way, Arnold's not getting the rent money from him, either.

Put on some Dino Spumoni to calm his ass down.

Remember Slenderman? He's rather low on funds, so he gives Arnold an IOU in lieu of the rent. What the hell is everyone's deal today?

Next, Arnold and Gerald go to Mr. Hyunh's room, and he makes the kids do a bunch of chores and repairs before giving Arnold the rent.

So, after all the chores, Mr. Hyunh doesn't even give Arnold the rent money. Instead, he gives him and Gerald each a dime for their hard work and says he will give him the rent tomorrow. God damn, did no one's welfare checks come in yet? Why else would none of these people have their money? Either that, or Arnold has to put his damn foot down and shake these people down for their rent. Grandpa is going to hit the roof when he finds out everyone's a freeloader.

The last place is the Kokoshkas, where Suzie and Oskar (rather Suzie) are in a huge fight, resulting in Suzie packing her bags so she can move out and away from Oskar once and for all. It has something to do with Oskar not having a job and blowing all his money at the race track. Suzie's got serious issues, because she starts throwing things out of the apartment, including pillows, a bowling ball, and pottery. Jeez Louise. I believe I mentioned this in an earlier review: Why the hell did Suzie and Oskar get married in the first place?

We get some clues through Suzie's incessant screaming, like how she should have listened to her mother and how she should have married some other guy who was an orthodontist at least. It seriously makes me wonder what Oskar did or said to her that made Suzie want to up and abandon her life so that she could marry Oskar. Clearly, she had other options. And you know, I relate to Suzie and Oskar the most out of all the boarders because my parents are verrrrry similar to Suzie and Oskar in a lot of ways, except both hate each other, and my dad is an immigrant from Italy, not Czechoslovakia. I'd compare them more, but this is Hey Arnold! Reviewed, not Deebiedoobie Reviewed.

Things get even uglier when all the boarders come out to see what all the commotion is about, and to calm them down, Arnold grabs a gong from downstairs, hits it, and announces it's dinner time. For some reason, everyone abandons all their issues and goes downstairs to eat, which is the most convoluted resolution to marital issues I've ever seen. So because it's time to eat, Suzie forgives Oskar for being a lazy-ass mooch?

Ernie uses his mallet to smack the roast chicken into pieces, which land on everyone's plate in even slices, and you can hear Oskar in the background mutter casually, "Oh, he hit the chicken."

I'm just trying to imagine how this would go down if this entire episode happened in real life. I'd think I'd have been sucked into the Twilight Zone.

So, Arnold and Gerald are sleeping outside on the roof?

Arnold apologizes for the boarders' eccentricities, but Gerald is wildly impressed by how eccentric they are. The Johanssens are like the Tanners from Full House compared to the Sunset Arms boarders. So, I guess now Arnold isn't so embarrassed by them since Gerald thinks they're the bee's knees. What a twist.



Lessons Learned From These Episodes: even if you suck at math, there's still hope for you as long as you study using your personality quirks; no matter how screwy your family is, there will always be someone who has a weirder family than you