S1, E6: "Heat" / "Snow"

I must say, these are the most clever, thought-provoking episode titles I have ever seen. I wonder what could possibly happen in these two segments, because I haven't the faintest clue.

"Heat"

Arnold is having himself one of those marijuana-induced hallucinations again--damn, that kid has to lay off the plant before he accidentally imagines himself being swallowed up by a demon whirlpool, meanwhile in real life, he merely pulled the plug on his bath with his toe. Am I doing this right? I've never smoked pot before.

How is Arnold able to get a grip on ice cream? Ah, whatever. It's his fantasy.

Before Arnold even gets to taste his victory dessert, his potato clock wakes him up. The morning news comes on, and we learn that the city is still in the middle of a heat wave. Arnold checks his homemade thermometer, and it's a blazing 106 degrees. 106 degrees at 7 o' clock in the morning?! (That's 41 degrees Celsius for you non-Americans.) Are you sure Hillwood doesn't take place in the Middle East?!

I can only imagine what the temperature is going to be like at the height of the day--it would probably break the United States's record of 134 degrees easily. Remember some time ago, there was a news report about Iran's heat index reaching 170 degrees--the temperature was only about 111 degrees, but with the dew point reaching 90 or something (don't chastise me for getting this wrong--I'm terrible at researching), it felt like the inside of an oven. Hey, I love summer weather, but even I have my limits of what I can take. 

But since heat waves in the hundreds aren't nearly as common in the states (except in the Nevada/Arizona/New Mexico area), I wonder why Mayor Dixie isn't ordering everyone in the city to limit their time outside. Surely extreme temperatures like this are dangerous, especially for children and old folks. 

Around the city, people are trying to come up with ways to keep cool.

Why the hell are you two wearing sweaters in this weather?!

Heck, even the boarders are feeling the extent of the heat as they all gather around the only air conditioner Grandpa and Grandma could afford.

Ernie gets an idea to bust a hole through the boarding house wall to get some cross-ventilation going, but Grandpa's like, "You ain't putting any holes in my building! We're fine with this 1970s A/C that'll break down just as we need it most because that's how the cliche goes." And what do you know? It breaks down. 

Grandpa slips Arnold some money and tells him to run down to the store for some ice. Unfortunately, everyone in the neighborhood had the very same idea, so it takes Arnold an hour or so to grab the last available bag of ice, pay for it, and walk out. Of course, it melts on the way home. 

I don't understand why Grandpa didn't just take his packard. He could have the air conditioner running, which would have prevented the bag of ice from melting so much, and they all would have had plenty of ice to roll around in. I assume Grandpa's common sense is running in short supply on such a scorching morning, but what did he really think would happen?

Gerald is waiting on Arnold's stoop for him to return from the store. I was going to ask why he didn't just wait for Arnold inside to stay out of the sun, but apparently, anyone who walks into that boarding house better be bringing something icy cold, otherwise the boarders want nothing to do with you. The ice bag in Arnold's hands has completely melted by now, and when Arnold rushes inside to give it to Grandpa, everyone starts yelling at him. Hey, Grandpa, it was your fault for sending a nine-year-old kid to walk down to the store instead of sending someone there with an air-conditioned car. 

So, Arnold and Gerald try to figure out ways to keep cool on their own. They pull a wrench out of thin air and use it to twist off the screw to a nearby fire hydrant.

It works for a few seconds, but the water pressure is too low since there's an apartment building completely engulfed in flames a few houses down. How did they not notice this before?! And why do they not care?! If I saw a building engulfed in flames, I'd be staring in fear and awe, not going, "So, what now?"

So, Arnold and Gerald decide to go see a movie since public places are always air-conditioned. Unfortunately, all that's playing are movies about people dying from the sun's heat.

That People Melters movie looks kind of interesting...

Not to mention, the line to buy a ticket is so long, the theatre will be closed by the time Arnold and Gerald would be able to get in there.

So, then they try the public pool. And it's more packed than a Japanese subway car. Thus, they leave.

The boys continue walking directly in the sun's heat--why they don't take refuge in a Baskin' Robbins or the ice rink, or hell, someplace with shade is beyond me. Of course they're going to be sweating! I'm also surprised Arnold isn't as red as a lobster right now. We white people burn to a crisp quite easily. Well, I'm Italian, so I tend to tan before I burn. And if I burn, it's not unless I'm outside for hours.

So, Arnold and Gerald find the local ice cream man, the Jolly Olly Man, in a dispute with the kids from class.

Again, why are some of these kids wearing sweaters and pants? Were the animators just too lazy to draw T-shirts and shorts on them? Look--Brainy is in a long-sleeved shirt. So is Iggy. And Park. Ruth has a sweater. Phoebe has her usual sweater. It should take roughly the same amount of time, if not shorter, to draw kids wearing lighter clothing. Or am I missing something here? I know diddly squat about animation, so if someone more knowledgeable about this can give me some sort of explanation as to why animators don't draw appropriate weather clothing on background characters (since they're being drawn, too), it would be much appreciated.

The Jolly Olly man is refusing to sell the kids ice cream because of "supply and demand" bullshit. In other terms, because it's so hot out, the Jolly Olly man feels that he can make an enormous profit by jacking up the price of ice cream. Hmm, sounds like that shmuck CEO who raised the price of an AIDS treatment pill from $13.50 to $750. Helga threatens to beat the Jolly Olly man into a pulp if he doesn't hand over the ice cream, but the Jolly Olly man doesn't give a shit. Because he is psycho. And most likely injecting himself with heroin in the back of his truck every night.

Arnold can't take this heat anymore, and he can't stand injustice or extortion, so he gets mean. And I mean uncharacteristically mean:

He tells the Jolly Olly man about how he's doing a shit job at keeping himself cool (seriously--sitting in a hot house with an open window is better than walking around outside in the blazing sun).

Arnold gives the Jolly Olly man an ultimatum--sell the kids ice cream at a fair price, or things will get ugly. And then the Jolly Olly man is like, "Haha, you can't scare me!" So then Arnold starts chanting "No ice cream, no peace!" over and over until the other kids join in. And the sweltering heat ends up getting to the kids' heads that they decide the best course of action is to tip over the ice cream truck. Except for Eugene. He just breaks his back. But wait, why are they trying to tip over the truck? What will that accomplish? The back door is wide open--just raid it and leave all your cash on the floor.

So then Arnold tries to snap everyone out of their heat-induced rage by giving a speech about how the Jolly Olly man delivers some gnarly ice cream and kindness (on days it's not 106 degrees), but the kids don't give a shit. And I have to say, this is one of those rare instances where everyone is in the wrong. The kids are in the wrong for trying to tip over the truck out of desperation and anger, and Arnold is in the wrong for making the Jolly Olly man seem like a victim. He's a sadistic bully. The kids should just run to the nearest ice cream shop and get their ice cream there. Then, the Jolly Olly Man will lose business, and then maybe think twice about profiting off of the desperation of fourth graders.

And then right when Arnold realizes he has no idea what to do, the Gods of Nickelodeon do everyone a solid:

Meteorologists HATE them! Find out how the Gods of Nickelodeon were able to gather storm clouds and rain on this boiling city within seconds with this one weird trick.

Once the Jolly Olly man realizes he's safe, he takes his truck and high-tails it out of there so the kids can enjoy the rain. And then everyone else runs outside and splashes water on their faces in pure bliss.

And so, everything is finally back to normal--except when the guy on the radio announces that there will now be flooding and storms with wind gusts over 60 mph. Well Goddamnit. Mother Nature is on her period, I see.



"Snow"

In a very interesting transition, the rain from the previous episode turns to snow. Wouldn't it have been hilarious if that was the rain from the "Heat" episode turning to snow?

Arnold wakes up--surprisingly not by his potato clock, and climbs out the window to the first snow of the season.

Meanwhile, just downstairs, Grandpa complains about the first snow of the season, because he's responsible for shoveling it all off the boarding house stoop. He must really hate the snow, because as he picks up the morning newspaper, some kids nail him in his bony, old ass with snowballs, and boy does he get pissed off!

As Arnold dresses for the weather, he listens for the school closures for the day, and learns that P.S. 118 is, in fact, closed. So, it's goodbye fractions, hello igloos! And more snowballs thrown at Grandpa.

As Grandpa is making his list of things to do to protect the boarding house from collapsing under the 2 feet of snow that has fallen overnight, Arnold makes a list of all the fun things he's going to do in the snow. He runs into Grandpa, who continues to complain about the snow. I don't blame him--the snow is fun when you're a kid because you can play in it. Adults have to actually move around that blanket of frozen, white bullshit just to get to the grocery store. Remember that news story of that guy who took a flamethrower to his driveway because of the snow? We should all aim to get a flamethrower.

Grandpa asks Arnold to help him shovel the stoop, so Arnold's like, "Sure, no problem. It shouldn't take that long." It turns out, it's taking much longer than he anticipated, mostly because Arnold and Grandpa are shoveling and tossing their piles of snow in each other's cleared pathways.

Grandpa says that life isn't always fun, and that we all have to work once in a while since no one has any work ethic, followed by Grandma being pulled by the boarding house animals via sled:

"Must rescue the missionaries! On team! On team! Heeeeyah!" - Grandma

Harvey the mailman struggles to walk in the snow to deliver mail, and sings the catchiest song about how much he hates the snow. And rain and sleet. And then he slips down a hill, spilling several envelopes on the way down, and continues walking. Well, some people aren't getting their electricity bills and rejection letters from college today.

Harold and his friends throw snowballs at a city bus. The bus driver digs his own grave, announcing that everyone is going to die a slow, frozen death, and then the camera pans to this:

I guess the animals got tired.

The bus crashes into a giant snowpile. I guess the bus driver dies, but Grandma rides out with the animals once again. Man, I wish winter where I live was half as fun as this.

Eugene takes his sled up a giant hill and rides it down, but thanks to his lucky nature, he nearly crashes into a pole, but still gets a bunch of snow dumped on him.

Naturally, Helga makes a snowArnold, and Phoebe catches her trying to make out with it. Whoopsie daisy!

Arnold and Grandpa finally finish shoveling around the boarding house. Just as Arnold is about to run inside to grab his sled, the furnace suddenly explodes in the basement. Well, it doesn't explode, but it sure makes a sound like it explodes. And suddenly, all the boarders poke their heads out the window to complain to Grandpa about how cold they are. The furnace hasn't been out for three seconds, and already they're freezing? That boarding house must have shitty insulation. This scene is hilarious, because Grandpa's like, "You think this is cold? You should've been here back in 1949! Now that was cold!" And then fellow Vietnamese boarder, Mr. Hyunh (pronounced like "Win") says, verbatim, "I don't care. I was in Vietnam in 1949. Plus, I wasn't born yet! You fix my pipes, or no rent!" You'll come to find that the boarders are absolutely hysterical.

Mr. Hyunh doesn't mess around. He wants his damn heat.

So, for the rest of the day, Arnold is forced to help out with the rest of the winter chores Grandpa doesn't have the energy or back to do. I wonder why he isn't asking Grandma to help him. Ah, she's in her own little world.

It's now 2:00 in the afternoon, and Gerald asks Arnold to take a break and have some fun. But then Arnold gets pissed off, saying the exact same thing Grandpa said this morning, about how work needs to be done. Heck, if I was Arnold, I would have taken off hours ago. Grandpa overhears Arnold turning into a mini-him, and he begins to imagine when he was a kid and his own grandfather put him to work during the winter. And then Grandpa's grandpa threw a snowball at his head, reminding Grandpa that you don't have to work all the time, so he gets an idea.

Oh, that cannot possibly be safe. Someone could slip and fall on their ass.

Grandpa makes a giant ice rink with every hose he can find, and calls everyone in the neighborhood out to play a game of ice hockey. Meanwhile, Arnold looks on in disappointment, because everyone gets to have fun but him.

Arnold imagines himself skiing and just generally having fun, until Grandpa throws a snowball at his head and tosses him a pair of ice skates. Yay! Arnold can finally come out to play. Look how happy he is to finally be rid of his boring chores:

And for the rest of the night, everyone as a jolly ole time.

Lessons Learned From These Episodes: heat is miserable; snow is amazing; work first, then play.